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May 11, 2006

Top 16* Things Tom DeLay is Waiting On Before He Resigns:

From Susan DuQuesnay Bankston of Juanita's, World's Most Dangerous Hair Salon via her new gig at FortBendNow.

  1. Little-known Congressional Free Starbucks Lattes for Life legislation is still stalled in committee.
  2. Offhand chance that Jack Abramoff, Michael Scanlon, Tony Rudy, all the caddies at the Congressional Country Club, two CIA agents, and three “hostesses” at Signatures Restaurant will all develop incurable amnesia all at the same exact time..
  3. Has three of the most darling judicial activism soundbites he needs to use before Bill Frist steals them..
  4. Wants to have a ringside seat when Hookergate Congressmen are revealed. Will point and laugh at Congressmen who took sex bribes instead of cash bribes..
  5. Hey, this Patrick Fitzgerald guy can’t live forever, you know..
  6. Waiting on that whole Rapture thing..
  7. Star Wars, Episode 7..
  8. A month left on his franking privileges and Boy Howdy, there’s no need to waste all those botox treatments and Glamour Shots..
  9. Trying to pass a constitutional amendment making every day Tom DeLay Day!.
  10. Finding $500,000-a-year seamstress jobs on the Mariana Islands isn’t as easy as you’d suspect..
  11. Foolishly put all his offshore accounts in Patrick Kennedy’s name..
  12. Oops, mistakenly thought the 72 virgins thing was for resigning, not dying.
  13. Waiting on an invitation to Rep. Cynthia McKinney’s Texas Hold-Um tournament..
  14. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get kickbacks as an EX-congressman?.
  15. Still working on a David Wallace Mind Control Machine, the Imitationtron 7000..
  16. Waiting for someone to strap a bottle rocket on his hiney and point him toward Virginia..
* Sixteen because 10 is never enough for Tom DeLay
Hop over to http://www.fortbendnow.com/opinion/1129/how-can-we-miss-you-if-you-wont-leave for the entire piece How Can We Miss You If You Won't Leave?

Posted by Lyn Wall at May 11, 2006 07:47 AM | Permalink

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