Houston Democrats

For example, a Democrat supports alternative energy sources such as wind and solar power. What the Republican hears: I support alternate locations to drill for oil and gas in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

Or, the minimum wage is so inadequate, I have to work multiple jobs just to feed my family. To the Republican that means job growth is booming.

Via Left of the Aisle:

The New Republican Dictionary:

ACTIVIST JUDGE - n. A judge who attempts to protect the rights of minorities against the tyranny of the majority.

ALARMIST - n. Any respected scientist who understands the threat of global warming.

ALLIES - n. Foreigners who do what Republicans tell them to do.

ALTERNATIVE ENERGY SOURCES - n. New locations to drill for oil and gas.

BALANCED - adj. 1. Favoring corporations ("A more balanced approach to the environment."); 2. Favoring conservatives ("Fair and balanced reporting.").

BIPARTISANSHIP - n. When conservative Republicans work together with moderate Republicans to pass legislation Democrats hate.

CIVIL LIBERTIES - n. Unnecessary privileges that you aren't afraid of losing unless you are a God-hating, baby-killing, elitist liberal who loves Saddam Hussein more than your own safety.

CLARIFY - v. Repeat the same lie over and over again.

CLASS WARFARE - n. Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.

CLEAN - adj. The word used to modify any aspect of the environment Republican legislation allows corporations to pollute, poison or destroy.

CLIMATE CHANGE - n. Global warming, without the annoying suggestion that something is wrong.

COALITION - n. One or more nations whose leaders have been duped, pressured or bribed into supporting ill-conceived, unnecessary, under-planned and/or illegal military adventures.

CONVICTION - n. Decision made before getting the facts, and clung to ever afterwards.

CULTURE OF LIFE - n. The most flexible concept in the Republican lexicon.

DEMOCRACY - n. My way or the highway.

DEMOCRATIC ALLY - n. Any state - republic, monarchy, plutocracy, oligarchy, kleptocracy or dictatorship, and however ruthlessly tyrannical - that verbally supports American diplomatic, economic or military goals.

DEREGULATE - v. To facilitate the pursuit of one's avaricious and exploitative instincts.

DETAIN - v. To hold in an undisclosed location, without recourse to law, and to treat however one pleases.

ECONOMIC RECOVERY - n. Conditions under which three out of five software engineers who have lost their jobs to outsourcing and enabled to find part-time work as Wal-Mart greeters.

FAIR - n. Regressive.

FAITH - n. The stubborn convinction that God approves of Republican moral values despite the vast preponderance of textual evidence to the contrary.

FAITH-BASED INITIATIVE - n. Paying one's electoral debts.

FAMILY VALUES - n. Oppression of approximately half of the family.

FISCAL CONSERVATIVE - n. An unreconstructed Republican, fortunately in a pitiful minority.

FREEDOM - n. What Muslims want, but cannot achieve without American military intervention; in practice, this bears a striking resemblance to chaos.

GIRLY MEN - n. Men who don't grope women.

GROWTH - n. 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich; 2. What happens to the deficit when Republicans cut taxes for the rich.

HONESTY - n. Lies told in short, simple, declarative sentences, as on bumper-stickers.

HUMBLED - adj. What a Republican claims to be just after winning a close election, just before proceeding to govern arrogantly.

INSURGENT - n. An Iraqi on the receiving end of American fire, irrespective of conduct, inclination, gender or age.

JOB GROWTH - n. Increase in the number of jobs an individual must hold in order to sustain a family at a minimal level.

JUNK SCIENCE - n. Valid scientific conclusions.

MORAL VALUES - n. Hatred in choir robes.

MANDATE - n. A state of being loathed by only 49% of the electorate.

MEDIA - n. Immoral, elitist, liberal traitors who should leave Republicans alone so that they can complete God's work on Earth in peace, behind closed doors.

MODERNIZE - n. Eliminate (e.g. Social Security, labor laws, tax code).

NEOCONSERVATIVES - n. Certainly not nerds with Napoleonic complexes.

OBSTRUCTIONIST - n. Any politician or citizen who dares to dispute the issues of the day with a Republican.

OFFICE OF FAITH-BASED INITIATIVES - n. The First Federal Evangelical Bank.

OWNERSHIP SOCIETY - n. A society in which Republicans own the rest of us, and are willing to sell cheaply.